Now, maybe that's a harsh take on things, but I think there comes a point where you decide you've had enough of your friends' drama. I know, that's awful. What happened to that's what friends are for and all that crap...here's the thing. A good friend...a true friend...will tell you the brutal honest truth...the stink. It might not be pretty. It might hurt to hear. In fact, it will hurt to hear...it'll suck the big one. But honestly, wouldn't you prefer to have it told to you straight and honest by your besties rather than a big fat lie sugarcoating the truth that doesn't do you a damn bit of good?
The truth is this: I personally suck at the relationship thing. I'm too afraid to live and let go for the one thing that I want...which is that one person to share my life with, someone to spend my life with...my best friend, my companion in life, and my partner in crime. And I truly honestly want that. However, the majority of the close women in my life are those with relationships that hinder their growth and belittle them to the point of making them feel worthless. And really, is that what we as women have fought so hard for all these years?! To be in a relationship with a man who tells us we're worthless, verbally beats us down while tellin' us he loves us, and sometimes...and I hate to even say this, but unfortunately it happens...physically abuses us to the point where we are but an empty shell of the former beautiful, strong, confident, independent women that we were...cuz that's what I've seen happen, again and again and again. I won't name any names because it will hurt those that I love very deeply and that is the last thing I want in the world. They've gone through enough. But watching them go what they go through with love and relationships makes me want to just turn and run in the opposite direction...
Which begs the question...which one of us is better off? Me, the one who is afraid to let the love in because she is afraid of losing herself in the process? Or them, the ones who repeatedly put themselves out there over and over again, making the same mistakes and not knowing their self worth, only to get trampled on again? I mean...at least they take the chance right? Or is it more a case of knowing who you're giving your time to and being a tad bit more selective with who you left into your life?
Case and point, my bestie (I abhor the use of that term, but times change and so does our vernacular so onward and upward) who just yesterday was crying on the phone because she was totally over men...once again...is now in a "relationship" with a different guy than the one that trampled her heart yesterday. And it's the most unconventional of relationships too...said gentleman has been crushing on her for 6 years...yes, you heard me right, 6 years...and after crying into the phone and swearing of men for a while, decides that she is going to be in a monogamous boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with said guy. And it doesn't just stop there...said guy is half way around the world. Yep! You heard me right. Now, I feel I need to backup here a moment. The guy from yesterday was a guy she met a few weeks ago. She went out once with him...had a great first date, first kiss, etc. The catch? He was going to be across the country for the next 3 weeks... Now, maybe I'm the world's biggest cynic here, but the first thing I thought of when she told me that was "Yeah right!" He's going to be out of town for three weeks my great big tush...doesn't that fall under guy code for "He's just not that into you?" Or am I wrong? I always thought that was the player's line for don't call me, I'll call you...when I need to get some. Wrong? Right? Anyway, I held my tongue and left her revel in her moment of blissful ignorance...cuz let's be honest, that's exactly what it was. Turns out, yesterday said douche was the one that basically told her he's not a one woman kinda guy and she shouldn't wait by the phone for him to call. Uh...yeah, coulda told ya that, but I didn't. And see...I so should have! So after telling her it was for the best and listening to her gutwrenching sobs to the point where I wanted to drive across the city to the burbs just to give her a shoulder to cry on. Enter...the foreigner (for he's really not a foreigner, but for all intents and purposes he currently is living in another country until the end of the year)...and now after no date, no handholding, no kiss, no anticipation of anything, a relationship (which is something akin to a business transaction...cuz let's face it, where the hell is the romance in any of what's transpired) has been formed over the phone with a promise of no others until he comes back to our great city at the end of the year...
Am I a cynic when it comes to love? Hell yes! But, and this is where the title for this blog comes in, her heart will get broken again in this "relationship" and I had to hang up the phone because I could hear in the tone in her voice when I asked all the necessary questions that a good true friend should...Are you sure about this? Do you really have to be in a monogamous relationship with this guy before it even gets off the ground? I mean, is it ever really going to get off the ground? Why can't you wait until he actually comes back to wait and see what happens? Why limit yourself to a guy who you've never even dated or kissed when you can put yourself out there for guys that might actually be available to you a little closer to home? So to you, my bestie, I tell you this...when this goes south and, make no mistake, it will...don't come looking to me for the shoulder to cry on...you want sympathy, grab a dictionary...cuz my shoulder pads are not waterproof! That is, if I actually wore shoulder pads...but you catch my drift!
My thought is something like this...and it also goes with something I learned about myself a few years ago that I've been working tirelessly to make sure I don't do anymore...it is this: Make sure the guy you decide is worth your time is actually looking for the same things you are...if you continue to go after unavailable men (case and point, the foreigner who is nowhere in sight and therefore makes it the easiest relationship around until he comes home and it no longer lives up to your wild fantasy) you will get the same thing...another failed relationship.
And I will leave you, friends, with my favorite phrase in the whole world...best advice ever! And it is this: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. Basically ladies, if you want something different, QUIT MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES. You do have the power to change some stuff...quit going for the same type of guy. Quit doing things the same way. Quit rushing things. Be unavailable and let him do the chasing for a while...if he's worth it, he won't mind following you around for a while.
